my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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