So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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