Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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