We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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