If that was your dad, he is hot
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
