Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
