You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
