I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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