girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
