The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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