So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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