i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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