"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
