She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
