My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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