I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
