I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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