Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
