I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
