she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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