she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
