I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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