Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I supernannyed him into submission
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
