You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
