you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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