i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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