Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
