I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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