I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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