So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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