I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
