does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
