fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize