does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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