just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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