Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
