i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
