how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
