i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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