yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
