Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
