No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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