You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
