Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize