So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
