Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator