so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...