Umm I'm too high to move.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.