Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.