id be glad to
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.