if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
