please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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