ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
