im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
