Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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