ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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