Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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