so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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