yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
