capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
